In Defence Of Brats: A Guide

Photo by Alex Mihai C on Unsplash

There is a general consensus in many BDSM communities that brats are bad news, but that’s not always the case. Indeed, while there are numerous examples of bad bratty behaviour, there are also as many submissives who display good, or at least more desirable bratty behaviour, and they need to be respected and loved.

What Is A Brat?

A brat essentially is a playful, naughty submissive. He or she does not want control (no matter how much they say otherwise!) and ultimately wants you to demonstrate and show your ability to handle them. If a submissive is bratty to you, take heed, this is just their way of flirting!

Brats typically don’t mean any harm in what they do. There could also be a number of reasons or causes for bratty behaviour, too, and as a Dominant, you need to be willing to explore those further. Sometimes, I’m silly and playful for the sake of being silly and playful, other times, I’m silly and playful because I’m really feeling anxious and confused, or maybe I’m feeling ignored and forgotten. Of course, it takes time and knowing your brat to know when something is possibly wrong.

What Kind Of Dominant Would Want A Brat?

Any Dominant with a good sense of humour! There is a strong misconception that Dominants need to be strict and in control at all times, but my favourite kind of Dominant has a wicked sense of humour. They can mock you, taunt you, tease you and torture you – all at the same time! Those are absolutely my favourite kind of sadists. Bonus points if they’re a biter, too!

I Think I Might Be A Brat, How Do I Know If I Am One?

Do you like to be playful in your submission? Do you like to be cheeky and torment your Dominant in a fun way? Congratulations! You passed the test. You’re probably a brat!

Good Brats VS Bad Brats

Ahh, the classic bone of contention. Penny Berry interviewed me about this not too long ago and it inspired this post to dwell on it further.

The difference between good brats and bad brats is really about intention. Good brats want to make you smile and warm your beart, whereas a bad brat’s intentions are really all about themselves. I’m going to go into some of the things a good brat and a bad brat might do in just a moment, but first, a little backstory:

When I started my journey into BDSM, I started off as a Domme. I wasn’t out to bully people, but I’m a natural leader and I wanted to continue that ability to lead and care for people, and to give them what they need and want. In that time, a young man approached me and he used to make me laugh a lot which made me really warm to owning him as my submissive. Unfortunately after that, things quickly started to turn awry.

Soon after agreeing to own him, he would call me names like “wench” to get me to punish him. He would pick and choose punishments, or do the punishments he hated poorly. If I told him what to wear, he would intentionally turn up with shirt buttons mismatched and his collar outside of his clothes because he knew that I’d be embarrassed. In the end, I got fed up with punishing him for completing his punishments poorly and he would do so much to get punished the way he wanted to be punished that I had to let him go. It was exhausting and depressing for me and I knew that I was being manipulated almost as soon as the problems began.

So without further ado, let’s talk about some things a good brat vs a bad brat might do, and some of the behaviours and warning signs to watch out for:

Good Brats

  • Wants to make their Dominant partner smile
  • A friendly, playful disposition
  • A good sense of humour, witty – may use affectionate pet names (Fluffy for Dom etc)
  • Can be rambunctious, enjoys play-fighting
  • Flirts A LOT, particularly with their Dominant partner
  • Resists initially, but will do as they are told eventually
  • Prefers “funishment”, regards punishment as unnecessary (because we’re good!)
  • May have a strong emotional reaction to punishment, may see being punished as a sign of their failures or lack of worth
  • Pulls pranks, but in a cute, fun and limited way – Goofy pictures in your lunchbox or whoopee cushion on Dom’s favourite chair, for example
  • May struggle with communicating needs but can be coaxed out of their shell with patience. May be of the belief that wanting sex is bad and doing so is punishable

Bad Brats

  • Self-centred & manipulative
  • Wants to be punished, and will do anything to get punished
  • Rejects most punishments, apart from the ones they enjoy
  • May perform badly at a punishment to get you angry, thus leading you to result in humiliation & heavy impact play to punish them further (which is probably what they actually wanted in the first place!)
  • May break or damage your belongings to get punished
  • May resort to unacceptable and offensive name-calling to get punished (calling Domme a fat lazy bitch is just another example that I personally experienced)
  • May perform unacceptable behaviours/pranks to get you to punish them – Masturbating without permission is very common
  • Continues an unwanted behaviour, even when asked to stop – poking and prodding seems to be the most prominent example
  • Bad at communication and expects a Dom/Domme to “know” their needs. May call a Dominant “stupid” or “naive” if they don’t
  • May want rough, angry “hate sex”, and will try to provoke a reaction in order to get it

If you find yourself engaging with or owning a bad brat, then it is fully understandable that you may want the behaviour to stop. Address the problem and, if it continues, consider ending your dynamic. BDSM is supposed to be fun for everyone, not just the brat!

Important Safety Stuff

An added note on bad brats, if your partner threatens to harm or damage any of the following to get you to play with or punish them, end they dynamic immediately and call the police if necessary:

  • You, your pets, your family or friends
  • Themselves
  • Your property
  • Your career

How To Handle A Brat

Now that we’ve discussed good brats vs bad brats, let’s discuss owning a brat, and a few punishment techniques that actually work.

If you find yourself owning a “good brat”, you probably know that sometimes, even good brats can push. They can become hyperactive and giggly and just need a little bit of calming down. Quite often with brats, they can be just a teeny bit manipulative because they want to play. They aren’t inherently bad brats, but they certainly know how to toe that very fine line!

Stop And Think, Don’t Overreact

The first thing to do when dealing with bratty behaviour is get to the cause of the issue. If your brat is feeling ignored and forgotten, then punishing them is likely to make them lash out from a place of anger. Instead, allow them to be close or invite them to join in to the conversation more. If they’re looking for luvvin’, decide if you fancy some bedroom action, or not. Bratty behaviour does not always need to be punished.

Why A Spanking Doesn’t Always Work

If your brat is just acting up for the sake of it, then it’s important to understand that a sound spanking might not be your best option. For some brats, they will actually act up more if they know that play time is on the cards. If you want a punishment that works and quells the unwanted behaviour, then you need something that works.

Teach Them With “TEWTS”

In the BDSM community, TEWTS is a seemingly rarely mentioned acronym among educators, which is unfortunate, because it’s a great way to tame and train a brat (particularly one who is really trying his or her luck!). TEWTS helps to put a brake on things, it avoids potential misunderstandings and gives your submissive a chance to communicate if there’s something else going on. To help you understand, TEWTS stands for:

  • Tell – Tell your submissive that the behaviour is annoying or unacceptable. This is also a good chance to ask them if there is something they want ie, the cause of the unwanted behaviour.
  • Explain – Explain why the behaviour is annoying or unacceptable to you
  • Warn – Warn your submissive of the consequences of carrying on
  • Threaten – “If you … one more time then I will.. ” – simple, they’ve had their chips. This isn’t fun for you and it won’t be fun for them.
  • Spank – Or punish, however you feel is appropriate. It’s your call, and they have been warned!

 

Some Punishments For Brats (That Aren’t Spanking!)

  • Time out – Time out works because you are disengaging your brat from your time and company. You are teaching them that, for so long as they are acting like they are, you don’t want anything to do with them. At the cost of being ostracised from the sense of security that their Dominant offers them, most brats will buck up their ideas, and fast!
  • Give them something to do – One of the biggest causes of bratty behaviour is that they want your time and attention. They might feel ignored and unwanted, and so acting up a little is a great way to get noticed. Yes, it is manipulative, but most brats don’t mean any harm by it (as long as they act up within reason). Acknowledge them and accept that the bratty behaviour might be their way of seeking your attention, then give them something to do. Most brats will be all too happy to scarper off and follow their Dominant’s orders!
  • Write Lines – It’s an oldie, but a goldie. Write For Me was one of my favourites for this, and it allows you to add randomised capital letters and added lines for every mistake made. I set one play partner 25 lines for calling me “little miss”. he ended up making handfuls of mistakes under time constraints, and wrote 237 lines instead! Writing with opposite hands (left instead of right, or vice versa) can be fun, too. Alternating colours can be challenging, and I once made a submissive write with scented gel pens. Some of them can be very sweet and nauseating. Cruel? Yes. Fun? Absolutely! Apparently ‘bubblegum’ gel pens are the worst 😉
  • Kneeling – Just the act of kneeling in itself can really quieten a brat because they are no longer at their Dominant’s level, and it’s hard to keep mouthing off to someone who has put you that much closer to the floor. You can add rice or dried peas to the mix as well, if you like, if your brat has really upset you that much. They’ll be sure to think next time!
  • Forced orgasms – Maybe your brat wants sexytimes, but they just have some rough sex and satisfaction in mind. Now is your time to up the anté! Throw in two or three forced orgasms and leave them feeling sensitive and exhausted. Wand vibrators are a popular weapon of choice for this and guaranteed to leave even the most wilful submissive unable to resist!
  • Ruined orgasms – Ruined orgasms are both intense and painful for many people. If your submissive likes lots of orgasms, consider a ruined orgasm instead by withdrawing any stimulation just as they reach their plateau. It will be unsatisfying for them and can be incredibly painful and humiliating for them as they are left struggling and unable to control their own body. They’ll still come, it just won’t be the intense and rewarding experience that they were hoping for. Worse still, they won’t be able to make up for it afterwards. Hence, a ruined orgasm!

When it comes to owning a brat. The important thing to understand is that your brat needs room to wriggle and breathe. If you like to be strict and regimented, then a brat is quite possibly not the right choice for you. Stripped of their playful nature, a brat can become chronically depressed, and nobody wants a depressed, resentful submissive.

The other thing you need to understand about owning and punishing a brat is their emotions. Brats can be highly sensitive and usually mean no harm from their actions whatsoever. Let the punishment fit the crime and be sure to give them plenty of aftercare afterwards!

What are your thoughts on brats? Do you identify as a brat? Let me know in the comments!

Stay safe and have fun!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Helen xx

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